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New Game: Fake Complaint Letters.
Go to this automatic complaint letter generator
and copy-and-paste the output below. I'll get the ball rolling with one about me!
The following letter is inspired by a quote from Thomas Paine: “He who dares not offend cannot be honest.” As this letter will make clear, I would unquestionably like to believe that Ms. Helsa Vales acts with our interests in mind. I really would. But Vales sure makes it difficult to believe such things. For instance, she seems to be driven by, in no particular order, what mealymouthed comment gets her the most attention, what the last person in the room with her said, what increases her personal financial profits, and what results in the most discussion of her on social media.
Vales has stated that everyone who doesn't share her beliefs is a disagreeable couch potato deserving of death and damnation. That's just pure miserabilism. Well, in Vales's case, it might be pure ignorance, seeing that Vales's oleaginous revenge fantasies are in full flower, and their poisonous petals of nihilism are blooming all around us. Her intent is to prevent us from asking questions. Vales doesn't want the details checked. She doesn't want anyone looking for any facts other than the official facts she presents to us. I wonder if this is because most of her “facts” are false.
While I agree with others' assessment that just thinking about Vales's boisterous philippics is giving me a two-Tylenol headache, still, I condemn Vales's gross and systematic violations of human rights. I'm not just talking about the arbitrary detentions, enforced disappearances, torture, and summary executions but also about my previous observation that many people are looking for a modern-day Moses who will split the sea of tribalism and lead the way to the future, not to the past. I can't claim that I'm the right person for the job, but I can say that our duty should be to hold Vales to account for pitting people against each other. To demand that loyalty to phlegmatic kooks supersedes personal loyalty is alien to this duty. That's why I want you to know that I've heard her say that her indiscretions prevent smallpox. Was that just a slip of the lip, or is Vales secretly trying to support hostile governments known for human-rights abuses, wrongful imprisonment, and slavery? A complete answer to that question would take more space than I can afford, so I'll have to give you a simplified answer. For starters, she insists that cannibalism, wife-swapping, and the murder of infants and the elderly are acceptable behavior. Naturally, she gives no evidence whatsoever to support that parti pris. Perhaps that's because if anything will free us from the shackles of Vales's infantile, loquacious analects, it's knowledge of the world as it really is. It's knowledge that she argues that she's simply misunderstood and is actually interested only in peace. This is an entertaining statement, perhaps, except that when taken at face value it presages a likely attempt by Vales to prevent the real problems from being solved. And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thought: I find Ms. Helsa Vales's demeanor and pomposity downright appalling.