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New Game: Fake Complaint Letters.

HelsaHelsa
Mabinogi Rep: 14,225
Posts: 3,073
Member
in Town Square
Go to this automatic complaint letter generator and copy-and-paste the output below. I'll get the ball rolling with one about me!

The following letter is inspired by a quote from Thomas Paine: “He who dares not offend cannot be honest.” As this letter will make clear, I would unquestionably like to believe that Ms. Helsa Vales acts with our interests in mind. I really would. But Vales sure makes it difficult to believe such things. For instance, she seems to be driven by, in no particular order, what mealymouthed comment gets her the most attention, what the last person in the room with her said, what increases her personal financial profits, and what results in the most discussion of her on social media.

Vales has stated that everyone who doesn't share her beliefs is a disagreeable couch potato deserving of death and damnation. That's just pure miserabilism. Well, in Vales's case, it might be pure ignorance, seeing that Vales's oleaginous revenge fantasies are in full flower, and their poisonous petals of nihilism are blooming all around us. Her intent is to prevent us from asking questions. Vales doesn't want the details checked. She doesn't want anyone looking for any facts other than the official facts she presents to us. I wonder if this is because most of her “facts” are false.

While I agree with others' assessment that just thinking about Vales's boisterous philippics is giving me a two-Tylenol headache, still, I condemn Vales's gross and systematic violations of human rights. I'm not just talking about the arbitrary detentions, enforced disappearances, torture, and summary executions but also about my previous observation that many people are looking for a modern-day Moses who will split the sea of tribalism and lead the way to the future, not to the past. I can't claim that I'm the right person for the job, but I can say that our duty should be to hold Vales to account for pitting people against each other. To demand that loyalty to phlegmatic kooks supersedes personal loyalty is alien to this duty. That's why I want you to know that I've heard her say that her indiscretions prevent smallpox. Was that just a slip of the lip, or is Vales secretly trying to support hostile governments known for human-rights abuses, wrongful imprisonment, and slavery? A complete answer to that question would take more space than I can afford, so I'll have to give you a simplified answer. For starters, she insists that cannibalism, wife-swapping, and the murder of infants and the elderly are acceptable behavior. Naturally, she gives no evidence whatsoever to support that parti pris. Perhaps that's because if anything will free us from the shackles of Vales's infantile, loquacious analects, it's knowledge of the world as it really is. It's knowledge that she argues that she's simply misunderstood and is actually interested only in peace. This is an entertaining statement, perhaps, except that when taken at face value it presages a likely attempt by Vales to prevent the real problems from being solved. And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thought: I find Ms. Helsa Vales's demeanor and pomposity downright appalling.

Comments

  • KensamaofmariKensamaofmari
    Mabinogi Rep: 31,920
    Posts: 7,286
    Member
    I wish to register a complaint
    250px-DeadParrot.png
  • HelsaHelsa
    Mabinogi Rep: 14,225
    Posts: 3,073
    Member
    I wish to register a complaint
    250px-DeadParrot.png

    The post a letter, it's fun.
  • KensamaofmariKensamaofmari
    Mabinogi Rep: 31,920
    Posts: 7,286
    Member
    Helsa wrote: »
    I wish to register a complaint
    250px-DeadParrot.png

    The post a letter, it's fun.

    When I have more time I will. Right now, I'm just taking a brief respite from work.
  • HelsaHelsa
    Mabinogi Rep: 14,225
    Posts: 3,073
    Member
    Well, I got tired of waiting for Kenny-boy so I made another one. This time I typed in: "Doki Doki Island Progress Resets" here tis:

    What sort of severe tunnel vision has led Doki Doki Island Progress Resets to avouch that everyone who scrambles aboard the Doki Doki Island Progress Resets bandwagon is guaranteed a smooth ride? If you've ever wondered about the answer to that question, then read on. Whoa! Don't stampede for the exits! I promise I'll get to the main topic of this letter, Doki Doki Island Progress Resets's unhinged hot takes, in just a few sentences. I simply feel it's important first to provide some additional context by mentioning that with Doki Doki Island Progress Resets so forcefully working both sides of the political fence, things are starting to come to a head. That's why we must develop a rational-empirical base for dialogue about Doki Doki Island Progress Resets's policies. Without going into all the details of how that can be accomplished, let me say simply that Doki Doki Island Progress Resets loves using big words like “subjectivoidealistic” and “hippopotomonstrosesquipidelian”. As a result, it writes like a mentally ill person with a thesaurus. That got me thinking: Perhaps Doki Doki Island Progress Resets has recently altered the tone of its recommendations. They're no longer a dirge-like recitation of perpetual victimization but rather a preview of new trends in “resistance” propagandizing. For example, Doki Doki Island Progress Resets has been showcasing its latest techniques for obscuring unpleasant facts, facts such as that it ignores a breathtaking number of facts, most notably:

    Fact: It exhibits a startling lack of remorse, shame, and guilt for so brazenly attempting to obliterate our sense of identity.

    Fact: I feel it is incumbent upon me to face our problems realistically, get to the root of our problems, and be determined to solve them.

    Fact: The foundations of our free society are under wide-ranging and powerful attack by its illiberal patsies.

    In addition, even relative to the rest of its poststructuralism movement, it's a fascinatingly exotic paladin of ultracrepidarianism, a neon peacock in a field of Guernsey cows. What's even more fascinating is that if the human race is to survive on this planet, we will have to convey the message that if Doki Doki Island Progress Resets's thinking were cerebral rather than glandular, it wouldn't consider it such a good idea to destabilize the already volatile social fabric that it purportedly aims to save. The only way out of Doki Doki Island Progress Resets's rat maze is to create and nurture a true spirit of community. It's that simple.