Fluorette

I would suggest retaking the picture with the Glow Effect (which can be found in the Settings) turned off. In its current state, the colors are very bright and will hurt some eyes.

((((:

Ah, I see. I personally didn't find it to be a bad read; the grammar and formatting seemed alright. Just try not to introduce too many things at once in a single chapter, as I noticed the Sabah concepts (such as Zalaam, Djihara, the Sabah Temple of Visions, gargoyles, etc.) started to stack on top of each other and become little overwhelming to comprehend altogether. Good luck with your writing, and then with tying things into Erinn lore for the fic (just because Mabinogi's lore can get confusing). Happy hunting!

Hi. While reading through this, I couldn't help but question "Wait, is this still Mabinogi??" Going by this piece alone, I personally feel like this would do better as an original work (and that's not necessarily a bad thing). It ties into Erinn at some parts, but compared to the vast amount of Sabah lore, the Mabinogi aspect just doesn't stand out as much. The second part (if it happens) would have to take larger strides in order to connect the two.

Of course if this is for a role-play (more so than a Mabi fanfic) and the intention is to use Mabinogi's environment as something of a stage/set, then, well, carry on as that's a different matter.

Oh and a few errors I noticed:
- "soul stream" is a proper noun, so it's actually Soul Stream.

UItima wrote: »

One of those eerie winds that feels more like a presence thhidingan an element had whispered forebodings through the desert valley.

- Not sure what the bolded word is supposed to be. As it stands, the sentence reads very awkwardly even without the bolded word thing.

Oh my... Glitch came about last summer. Here it is again. Maybe something in the summer Master Plan event triggers it?
But don't worry, it will be removed soon, just like before.